


One Day at a Time

by shinealightrose



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Kind of fantastical (characters see the future), M/M, butler Luhan, early 20th century, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 04:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4593336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinealightrose/pseuds/shinealightrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The future changes, and that scares Minseok the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Day at a Time

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Luminations 2015.
> 
> Warnings: Mention of death (unnamed characters) prior to or hinted within the story, including a child.

Minseok waits for the car to stop, idling before the steps to his townhouse, and even though his tie is beginning to feel like a noose, and his skin crawls with discomfort, his whole body practically burning to be back inside his home, he waits. Yixing climbs out of his driver's seat, chauffeur's uniform immaculate even though he'd been waiting for hours on the curb outside the place of Minseok's dinner party. Stealthily he changes sides and opens Minseok's passenger side rear door. Only then does Minseok arise from the vehicle, pulling on his cuffs. He holds his face serene, just as he's always practiced. 

“We're home, sir.”

Minseok only nods at him. His chauffeur expects nothing else. Minseok doesn't talk to him as much, nor does he look him in the eyes much if he can help it.

Because Yixing doesn't need Minseok to interfere in his life.  _Yixing will die old and wrinkled and happy, his children and grandchildren all by his side, content in the knowledge their elder has lived a pleasant life, retired years ago with a pension generously granted by the Kim family._ For a man from his class and status, that's about as good of a future as it gets, better probably than Minseok will get. He doesn't need his employer getting to know his life more, and Minseok doesn't want to know it. 

“Have a good evening, sir,” says his chauffeur as Minseok heads up the steps. He doesn't wait for Yixing to get back in the car, knowing that the man will drive it around the block to the garage in back. And there the car will sit, days, weeks, perhaps a month if Minseok can help it. Yixing is the highest paid chauffeur Minseok knows whose duties to amount to almost nothing.

Minseok never goes out if he can help it, and tonight only reinforced why. 

He hears the door opening before he reaches it, hears his butler's ever polite, ever correct voice welcoming him home. Perhaps Minseok responds but he barely remembers speaking. He's spent a whole evening out under the dim lights of society avoiding people, avoiding faces, avoiding interaction. And now that he's home it's just another person whose eyes Minseok doesn't want to look at, another stranger that Minseok doesn't know, doesn't want to know. 

“Would you be wanting a nightcap, sir?”

His butler's voice trails down the dim hallway as Minseok pads to his study. He pauses, enjoying the fragrance of the tone the man always uses.

“Thank you, Luhan, yes.”

“Very good, sir. I'll bring it in straight away.”

And the brandy he drinks before bed isn't the sweetest way to fall to sleep, but after all the horrors he's seen tonight, echoes and dreams and glimpses of the future, it's the only way he can forget all the moments that haven't yet come to pass. 

 

 

One morning a few days later, or perhaps a few weeks later - time for him passes strangely in the present - Minseok makes a mistake. He takes his breakfast in his study, foregoing the cold and drafty dining room as per his usual. He has letters to attend to, to read and open and respond to. He's a law consultant who works from home, as his colleagues label him eccentric and 'not suited to a the working environment'. Minseok has no complaints with this arrangement. It keeps him occupied, and writing and reading only about peoples' names and plaintive affairs doesn't trigger anything about their lives to come.

His coffee runs lukewarm around mid-morning, left forgotten in the middle of his work. Minseok almost pulls the cord for the footman, before he remembers it's been years since his family employed one. It's been years since he even had a family. The house is his alone now, no mother or father, sister or brother. Each and every one of them is gone. Minseok saw it happen before it happened, and both instances he wished to forget. The simpering guests in their black funeral ware had cooed over Minseok, lacking real sympathy. Talking about people 'gone before their time' and 'such a tragedy, for they were so young.'

What was done was done though, Minseok knows that. And the allotment of a person's time on earth is already cast in their fates, which weave and loop and mold and shift until the candle burns low and it never burns back.

He lets his coffee turn from lukewarm to cold. A knock on the door and a non-committal, “Come in.” He hears Luhan's footsteps. 

“Good morning, sir. May I take away the breakfast dishes.”

“You may,” says Minseok without looking up. 

Luhan won't be with him for very long. Another few months perhaps and then he's destined to walk out of this house to find employment elsewhere. Minseok doesn't know the whys. He hasn't seen that part of the future, and he doesn't want to accidentally learn more in case it's something worse. Perhaps Luhan hates it here, perhaps he hates Minseok and his quiet ways and his lack of a social circle. A butler who opens the door for only one person in a house with a skeleton staff consisting of one cook, one manservant, one scullery maid, and one chauffeur besides Luhan himself. Maybe Minseok fires him for sudden impertinence - the thought makes Minseok laugh - or because he's finally reached a breaking point and decides he won't want to see a soul, not even the servants.

Minseok doesn't now, because he can't see his own future. No matter how many times he stands and stares at his reflection in the mirror, he can't see his own destiny. What he'll eat for dinner tonight, if a guest will show up next week, if he'll become sick in a couple years time, or when he'll die. 

He sees it only in others, when he looks in their eyes.

Just as he saw the railcar accident in his family's eyes. If they'd only heeded his words and not gone off, if they'd stayed home like Minseok insisted upon doing, like  _he did_. His fifteen-year-old self had become sick from sheer anxiety, and they left him behind. Maybe he was supposed to be dead too, turned to ashes in a foreign landscape with the rest of his kin. Sometimes he dreamed it. Sometimes he imagined the present  _was_  the dream world. And yet after each nightmare he awoke and he was once again alone in a cold house and doubly sure that he never wanted to see into the future again. Whether or not he was supposed to be dead, he would never know. 

“Shall I bring you a fresh coffee, sir?”

“Please.”

He glances up only when Luhan walks away, catching the man's downcast profile when the door closes, and briefly, pleasantly, Luhan looks up and smiles. 

The door closes as a tremor rocks through Minseok's entire body. Starting in his abdomen and spreading upwards like fire and smoke that scalds his heart and burns upon his face. All air is sucked from his body and only the visage of Luhan's two sparkling eyes takes over his mind and he sees him,  _Luhan, still here in his house. Still his butler, but slightly older and with more lines upon his face._

_'Welcome home, sir,' he says when he opens the door, and Minseok sees himself through Luhan's eyes and he looks older too._

_'Thank you, Luhan. Might I have a nightcap this evening in the sitting room? It's been a long day for me.'_

_'Of course, sir. I'll bring it right away.'_

_'Thank you. And Luhan,' Minseok says, turning back around and barely glancing over his shoulder. 'Pour yourself one too if you like, and join me?'_

_'If it pleases you, sir, I will. And thank you.'_

_Minutes later they're sitting opposite each other in the room, and Minseok won't look up at Luhan - or rather the older Minseok won't look at himself, staring at the future through Luhan's eyes - but he does look relaxed, gazing off gently into one corner of the room which has changed only slightly in the few years that must have passed, one ankle across his knee and an unopened book beside him. He looks only a little distracted, something Luhan's apparently noticed as he sits upright, very correctly and a little uncomfortably with his knees pressed together, posture strong but unsure. Minseok can almost feel it, sitting in Luhan's place._

_'Forgive me, sir,' Luhan interrupts, 'But you didn't... see anything today, did you?'_

_Minseok smiles, and it's surreal to see any such expression on his own face. 'Just a few. Only nice things today though, Luhan. Only some nice things.._.'

 

 

 

Minseok always suspected the future might be transient. Like a moth that flits just out of sight, he remembers the snatches of earlier memories,  _visions_  he calls them now. Of his parents with graying hair, and their grandchildren scattered over their laps. Minseok doesn't know if they were his children or his nieces or nephews. All of he knows is that none of that will happen now. The visions began to change one day after a letter arrived from a cousin, inviting them to spend their holidays abroad. Fifteen years ago this month.

The future changes, and that scares Minseok the most.

Several days after the vision, during which time Minseok interacted with no one, he pauses with his hand on the door to his study. Luhan is just coming up from the stairs leading down to the kitchen, a tea tray for which he's following Minseok to deliver. Finding his master halted causes him to stop abruptly as well and Minseok hastily enters the room. He stares at the things on his desk, pretending to be busy, while Luhan sets down the tray. Minseok doesn't look up but before he leaves he asks, “Oh Luhan, I've been meaning to inquire about something.”

“Yes, sir? What may I help you with?”

“No, it's nothing like that, Luhan. I just wanted to know. You've been working in this house for six months now, yes?” One of his offsite colleagues recommended the butler to Minseok's employ, as they did all of his servants. Minseok never interviews them on his own.

“I have, sir. And it's a very lovely position for me. I hope I haven't done anything to offend you?” Luhan clears his throat, sounding nervous.

Minseok almost looks up. Almost, but he catches himself. “Nothing at all, Luhan. I just wanted to make sure you felt settled here?”

“I do, yes, thank you.”

“You won't be looking for employment elsewhere?”

“Of course not, sir. As I said, I'm very pleased and happy to be here. I hope you keep me for quite some time.”

Minseok frets because his butler sounds genuine.  He doesn't hear that very often, not with the way he lives. “I'm glad to hear that, Luhan. And thank you for the tea.”

Somewhere in the currently given future, Minseok will invite his butler to sit with him, companionably, over a glass of brandy. And moreover, not only will Minseok be the one who initiates it, but Luhan will know... what Minseok can do. 

He can't imagine it, not with the state of things now, today, this year, or at all. Because Minseok doesn't share things with people. He doesn't share drinks, time, or conversation. He hasn't told anyone about the future except for once, and then his family did not believe him. And yet sometime into the future, before the date of the vision he foresaw, Minseok will tell his butler, and Luhan will be able to ask him about it. 

He shakes his head, sips on his tea, and sets about to do his work. The whole thing is positively unthinkable, he decides. Perhaps that vision was just a mistake, as some turn out to be from time to time. 

 

 

 

Some peoples’ futures come out all gray to Minseok, like a fog that obscures their future, like they have no plans in life. The aimless wanderers of this world, even if they go nowhere. Kyungsoo, his man-servant is like this. It’s the only reason he keeps him employed because Kyungsoo is a person he has to see every day. Kyungsoo sees that the fire is lit, he lays out his clothes, and he airs the room through the open window before Minseok even wakes up. Then he helps him to dress, tidies the room, and the only reason Minseok can stand to have the man trim his hair every two to three weeks is because when he accidentally catches Kyungsoo’s eyes, he sees nothing but haze. Kyungsoo has no foreseeable future, and Minseok doesn’t care to know why.

He wishes more people were like this. He wishes Luhan were like this. Minseok’s butler has authority over the household and the servants and the finances, and when he sits down once a week in Minseok’s study to take in the week’s inventory or any other concerns, Minseok is unable to look at him directly. Because Luhan, unlike Kyungsoo, has a future, and currently Minseok is still in it. 

"Sir, the parlor maid wishes to resign. She wants to get married. Would you like me to take interviews for a new girl?"

Minseok hears him, but he doesn't respond. He stares resolutely into his cup of coffee and panics internally. 

"Sir?" Luhan has to ask him again.

"I'll have Jongdae at the office put out a notice. They can call the line here directly, and you can set it up. Hire whoever you think will suit." Minseok crunches on a piece of toast to keep himself occupied, praying the girl is another Kyungsoo, and not a person like Luhan or Yixing or his cook downstairs whose eyes he has to avoid. It's unlikely though, but if Luhan notices his hesitancy, he doesn't say anything about it.

"Very good, sir."

Due to his downcast eyes, Minseok only notices the seams that stretch down his butler's legs from thigh across knee and to the ground. It's a distraction he allows himself, since he won't look him in the eye. He knows that Luhan is a good looking, almost pretty man. It's almost a waste to hide him away in a dreary townhome where almost no visitors come. And Luhan is so correct, and sharp, and well-mannered, and his organizational skills are exceptional. He'd do well in a larger home with larger pay. 

"Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?" 

Minseok averts his eyes from Luhan's thighs, back to his coffee cup. He pretends something flew into his eye, rubbing it to avoid suspicion. "No, Luhan. I think that will be all."

He flushes as the man leaves, hoping Luhan hadn't noticed, and wondering why he himself had been focused on that particular area. He wishes he could look into his face more often. Luhan's profile though is beautiful enough.

 

 

As the weeks pass on by, a new parlor maid arrives, and she's everything Minseok could hope for: plain, demure, too shy to look at her master whenever they happen to be in the same room, and that is good. It's second only to her having a gray future, but since she never looks up, and Minseok never looks at her, he doesn't chance a glance to make sure. Instead, in his spare time Minseok becomes obsessed with the notion that his butler may leave, or that he may not, and he doesn't remember at which point this became a source of fear or discomfort.

"The new maid..." Minseok interjects one morning, "She is fitting in well?"

"Yes, sir. I believe she is. She and the cook get along fine too."

"You've done well in choosing her, Luhan. I rarely hear her, and there isn't a speck of dust in this whole room."

There's a short silence where Minseok imagines Luhan smiling, and he wishes he could look up to see it. 

"I'm glad you approve. She was by far the best of the candidates sent to us, sir. And I interviewed a good many options."

"I'm sure it was your great skill and perception that did the trick."

Minseok almost blushes himself, because since when was he ever overflowing with compliments for his staff? There's another slightly longer silence, and this time Minseok does shift his head barely a fraction of an angle until he can see the bottom half of Luhan's face contorting into a strangely flattered smile, before it sinks back into his normal, awfully correct expression.

"Thank you, sir," he says while nodding, and Minseok looks away again quickly.

His butler leaves and Minseok shakes his head in denial, refusing to let his mind wander to the one person he interacts with most. Luhan is of another class, another rank, and a man. Minseok is a gentleman, albeit a reclusive one, and even if those things weren't enough, there's the fact that Minseok is terrified of the future and what he may see.

He throws himself into his work and the day wears by until it's much later in the evening. His eyes glaze over and the words on the pages become blurry. It's late enough, and he knows he should call it a day. He's already skipped dinner so as not to lose his train of concentration on an important matter Jongdae had sent over, but everything seems to backfire the later it gets. In his urgency to avoid thinking about his staff, Minseok has pushed past his own physical limits.

He knocks over a few notebooks onto the floor and sighs loudly picking them up. Then a few loose pages nearly fly off from the whoosh of air when he slammed the books on the desk. He's becoming more and more frustrated. Finally, he accidentally spills a bit of ink onto his writing desk and onto a the corner of a letter and his cursing attracts the attention of his butler once again. Luhan enters after only one knock, not waiting for an answer, whereas Minseok is steadily making more of a mess, and part of the ink gets on his waistcoat. Luhan rushes to assist him, worried phrases falling from his lips, yet Minseok is too worried about his clothes and the black ink on his fingertips. He feels like a child having minor ink stain anxiety, but his stomach is empty and his head starting to spin from lack of nourishment, and that's all leading to a heady feeling that makes him not quite himself...

The moment Luhan touches him, drawing Minseok's hands away to avoid further mess, he startles. He thrusts back into his chair, head hitting the back of it hard, and his arms fling out on their own. One of them catches Luhan on the nose, and his butler doesn't technically react, but Minseok does.

"I'm...! Luhan, Oh I'm sorry-"

"No, no it's my fault. I apologize, sir," his butler interrupts. 

Minseok's head flails, worried about the state of Luhan's nose and with a rare sense of panic, he looks up. Luhan is holding his hand to his face and a small trail of dark red blood seeps past a few of his fingers, but the worst part is that Luhan still look more concerned about his master... And that's when Minseok knows he messed up. It's only the third time he's seen it, but once again... the future is changing before his very eyes. 

_'Do you remember when you almost broke my nose?' Luhan is asking, a smile upon his lips._

_'Did I?' Minseok laughs in response. He's sitting in the parlor two-seater couch and Luhan, still in his formal butler attire, is perched comfortably on a chair beside. 'How could I ever have done such a thing? Is it crooked now? Have I ruined your profile?'_

_'Some people have told me it looks even better now. Perhaps you inadvertently perfected it?'_

_'Cover your eyes, Luhan, and let me see.'_

_Luhan puts a hand across both eyes, a smile upon his lips, and Minseok in the future stands up and leans forward to get a good clear close-up on his servant's profile. He even traces a finger down the ridge of his nose while Luhan holds back a chuckle. 'Still looks ugly to me. Alright, you can uncover your eyes. I'm going back to work now.'_

_He sits back down and pulls up his morning newspaper and Luhan smirks again, laughs lightly, and bids him have a good morning. 'Enjoy working on your newspaper,' he teases one last time, and as the vision fades, Minseok in the future bares a gummy smile that Minseok in the present has rarely ever displayed, and he looks happy. So much happier than he is now._ Especially when the image fades and all Minseok feels now are the ink stains on his fingers, and the cramp in his neck from burrowing into his desk chair, and Luhan still standing above him crying out because Minseok is shaking and murmuring and Luhan doesn't know what to do with him.

"Sir, what may I do to help you? Please tell me? Your hands... Sir, let me call Kyungsoo and he can assist- Are you alright?" He's still holding a tissue to his bleeding nose like it's no big deal.

"Your nose..." Minseok's mind is still spinning from the vision, of himself and Luhan playfully chatting together. "Your nose..."

"It's quite alright, sir. Look, the bleeding is stopped, but are  _you_  alright?"

"I've ruined your profile," Minseok whispers, almost to himself.

His butler bids him wait and then leaves the room, and soon after Kyungsoo comes in and helps him to his feet, and he's worrying over Minseok's black fingertips because it's Kyungsoo's job to see that his clothes aren't ruined. Minseok hears someone, Luhan, call for the parlor maid to help him clean up Minseok's desk, meanwhile he is dragged upstairs and undressed and cleaned up and put to bed. He dreams that night of a happier future and Luhan's smile and it's one of the worst nightmares of his life... when he wakes up.

 

 

 

 

He stays in bed later than usual the next morning, refusing entry to anyone other than Kyungsoo who brings him breakfast on a tray. 

"Luhan asks if you need a doctor today, sir? He can call one for you."

"No, thank you, Kyungsoo. I think I'm alright. Just overworked."

"Of course, sir." 

Kyungsoo is typically sparing in his words, and Minseok is grateful for that, today more than most. He listens to Kyungsoo's light footsteps as he sets the room to rights, then he leaves to relay Minseok's answer, and it's only after noon that Minseok consents to get up and get dressed and eat a light lunch in the empty dining room.

He barely registers that Luhan is in the room, standing silently behind him in the corner while he eats, monitoring his master so that he doesn't relapse. Minseok lets him stand there without speaking to him. He's suddenly embarrassed by his fainting spell, as Kyungsoo referred to it, and privately he's mortified that he can't stop thinking about Luhan in a non-professional manner. The future is transient, Minseok knows that well, but he still doesn't see how his relationship with his butler could ever be more than it currently is. And yet twice now he's seen it,  _them_.  _Himself_. Minseok is not used to seeing himself. And he sort of  _wants_  to see himself becoming that way.

The doorbell rings in the early evening. Minseok is in his study attempting to set right what he messed up yesterday, but he freezes, alarmed when he hears Luhan's polite introductions to a guest Minseok isn't expecting. His fingers tremble, and he quickly sets the ink bottle and quills aside. Then Luhan is at his door. 

"Sir, it's Mr. Kim for you. Will you see him? Shall I take him to the parlor, or..."

"In here is fine, Luhan. Thank you."

A moment later, Jongdae comes in. Minseok habitually stands up to greet him, striding forward with a hand out to shake, and a smile upon his face, but no eye contact. Jongdae should be used to this by now. His lawyer colleague is middle-aged and married with two children, and in the next couple of years he will gain two more, but lose one. Minseok has seen it. 

"Minseok, how are you?" he asks, and there's real concern laced within those words.

"I'm fine, of course. Will you sit down? I'm just going over those documents you sent to me two days ago and-"

"Minseok, I called the house this morning. Your butler informed me you were unwell, so forgive me if I say this frankly, but what are you doing already out of bed and working?"

"I'm..."  _fine_ is what he means to say, but he falters instead. He stares at Jongdae's cravat just below his chin so as not to appear ruder than he might otherwise. "It was just a faint dizzy spell. I skipped dinner and, well as you see I'm up now and these work issues seemed to be pressing for you."

Jongdae sighs, and there's a long silence where Minseok realizes that his colleague doesn't believe him. He waits to be lectured, knowing that Jongdae has a tendency to mother his friends, and Jongdae is perhaps the closest definition to a friend that Minseok has.

"Minseok I won't lie and say I'm not worried about you. With the amount of work you send us, you can't possibly be using your time for anything else. You're doing too much. You need to rest."

"Jongdae, I am no use for anything else. Why shouldn't I use my time for productivity?"

"Because we all feel that you're working yourself into an early grave," Jongdae responds quickly, probably more forcefully than he planned. Minseok gasps slightly at the charge, while his coworker quickly apologizes. "Minseok, I'm sorry..."

"Perhaps you're right, although... how would I know?" he says with just a hint of bitterness. "I like to work, Jongdae-"

"You need a vacation."

"I don't."

" _No_ , you need a vacation." Jongdae actually leans forwards and takes his hands across the desk, massaging Minseok's fingers between his own to make sure he's got his completely undivided attention. Minseok stares at their hands, avoiding his face, even though he can feel Jongdae staring intently at him. "Minseok, my brother and I are agreed upon this. Junmyeon will not allow you any more work until you get some well-needed rest, and I don't mean for you to sit in this house and stare at the wall. You need to get away for a time, a fortnight at least. We've already thought this through. We own a small family villa along the seaside we'd like you to go stay at. It's quiet; there are not a lot of people there. The house is empty. You can take your own servants and you need not bother with anybody else. Please, Minseok, say you will go."

Something yearning catches in the back of Minseok's throat. A real vacation by the seaside like he's never had before. It sounds lovely, or maybe it would have sounded lovely fifteen years ago. 

"I can't, I don't want..." His breath almost falters.

"Minseok, you can't keep hiding in this house. You're not doing yourself any good by not letting go of the past, or... the future..."

He gasps even louder and pulls his hands away because,  _the future._  What does Jongdae know of-

"The future, Minseok. I know you can see it sometimes..."

He feels like he may vomit, stomach rolling. "What... are you talking about..?"

"I read the reports from your childhood." And Jongdae doesn't sound like he's here for a tabloid exclusive. He sounds worried, concerned. 

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Minseok snaps. 

Jongdae sighs, tries to take his hands again. Meanwhile Minseok has his eyes clamped shut and his chin to his chest. After a moment Jongdae succeeds in dragging his arms back out again and he holds him fast atop the desk. "Look, I'm not here to talk about anything in particular. I just want you to know that it's okay."

"No, no it's not. Not with the things I see..." It's a whisper he doesn't intend to say aloud, but Jongdae goes on like he didn't even speak.

"It's okay... Minseok, plenty of people see awful things every day, out in the streets, in their homes. And sometimes you can't do anything about them even while they're happening. Why should you be so worried by things that happen in the future too?" he says.

Because awful things happen in the future. Because knowing could mean preventing, yet Minseok still can't intentionally alter the future. And if he can't consciously do something, then why does the future still sometimes change? Why is that that his family were once going to live, and then one day they weren't? Why was Luhan going to leave, and then one day he was not? What's the good of knowing Jongdae may lose a child that hasn't even yet been born?

"I don't want to travel to the seaside," is all Minseok says.

"Yes you do," Jongdae counteracts him. "Go. Take a couple days to prepare and then go. You need not attend any parties, or soirees and functions. You just need a change of air and scenery, and most of all you need to relax. Trust in your servants and just go."

 _Trust in your servants..._ When he leaves a few minutes later, Minseok thanks him and shakes his hand. He promises to leave his work on his desk and not bother with it for a short while, and when Jongdae presses a hand firmly to his shoulder for comfort, Minseok slowly lifts his head, and slowly looks into his eyes. Maybe Jongdae will be alright, maybe this time his family will be alright. Maybe this time he checks, Jongdae's one day infant baby won't slowly die of typhoid.

But no, and Minseok's heart hurts all over again. Why is it that sometimes the future changes, and sometimes it does not? Minseok looks away quickly before tears start to form in the creases of his eyes. "Thank you, Jongdae. I will see you in a few weeks."

He tries not to notice Luhan standing on the other side of the doorway, tries not to wonder how long he was standing there, or what he may have heard. But perhaps that's all irrelevant now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He drives only with Yixing to the villa. Partitioned by the divider between front seat and back, they need not communicate for the entire day of traveling and that is just how Minseok likes it. He's given Luhan a day to prepare the townhouse for his absence and send the female staff plus Kyungsoo on a short holiday of their own. Only then will he join him by the seaside. In the meantime, it's Yixing who carries in his luggage while Minseok explores the two-story cottage, locating his room and the picturesque view of the sea. As promised, the Kim brothers' property rests on a nearly deserted strip of land a good distance from the nearest village and it's absolutely perfect for what Minseok wants. No strange neighbors, no tourists. Just himself and a couple of staff who are already well used to his strange mannerisms. So there's no anxiety when Yixing asks if he should prepare them a small evening meal and Minseok affirms with just a wave of his hand and a grunt, and if he has a little trouble finding his dressing gown that night, it's okay if he makes a mess because Luhan will be able to deal with it all tomorrow. 

His butler arrives early the next evening. Yixing drives to the train station to pick him up and when they both return to the villa, they're chatting amiably and Minseok feels a twinge of jealousy. 

"Evening, sir. I hope you've had a good first day relaxing?"

"Yes, thank you, Luhan. How was your trip?" Minseok responds without looking up from the book he holds in his lap. He hasn't been able to read a single word since he heard the car approaching.

"A dull journey by train, but dull is good. No mishaps." He sounds excited, happy even to be here, and Minseok wants to press him on that, to find out exactly what thought in Luhan's mind gives him that joyous ring to his voice. 

"Yixing can show you the house. Oh, and would you mind setting out my dressing clothes? I made a bit of a mess with my luggage earlier."

"Of course, sir." He probably smiles when he bounces off, but Minseok doesn't exactly turn around to check. He can't even remember the title of his book anymore. Suddenly he wonders just why he thought it a good idea to give Kyungsoo a vacation because now that means his butler will become his manservant, and a stranger sense of nerves Minseok hasn't felt in a while. Not since the last time he thought about Luhan's profile and his nose and smile. 

Maybe this whole thing was a horrible plan after all. Out here, life may be classified as relaxing, but now there's absolutely nothing to keep Minseok properly distracted.

 

 

 

He does a good job keeping his eyes averted and his thoughts to himself, at least for the first few days. Luhan is so correct and uptight in his actions that even when he fidgets over the shirt collar on Minseok's dinner attire, his fingers never stray from the fabric, even if Minseok sometimes wishes they did. Luhan has also for a short time been very aware of his master's dislike of eye contact, and so he never stands in a position where that could occur. He's always in an angle where it's safe, no possibility of it happening. Minseok entertains the thought that perhaps Luhan already knows why Minseok won't look at him, but that is probably nonsense. His servant is just so good at his job that he knows what actions are upsetting to his employer, nothing less nothing more. He's so good at knowing things intuitively that it almost frustrates Minseok. Because on the couple occasions Minseok actually looked for him, Luhan's face was already turned. 

Minseok doesn't know what he's seeking though. Frustration most likely, because that's all he seems to be doing to himself. He doesn't want to see the future, but sometimes he does. And when he does want to, he can't. Not without breaking out of the shell he's already placed around himself and his heart. Not without taking Luhan's face between his hands and forcing them to stare at each other. And that would be such an incorrect thing to do, impolite and also dangerous.

But never before has he been so curious to  _know things_. To know the how's and why's, why there is a current future where he and his butler feel like...  _friends_. What it would be like now if that were already the case. Minseok hasn't had friends in years, well over fifteen years. 

"You seem to like the seaside, Luhan," Minseok tells him one evening as he sits before the house in the sandy garden. The same book he's been trying to read all week lays forgotten on his lap. 

"I do like it here. Feels like a real vacation almost."

"A vacation where you still work?" Minseok teases. Then he coughs awkwardly because he has no idea where that even came from.

Luhan actually sounds amused though. "Why not? Everyone always has some kind of work, something they need to do. But sometimes, just a change of scenery makes life feel new again." 

Luhan is too good for this world, Minseok surmises almost surly. "It is pretty here," is all he says out loud though.

"And how about you, sir? How is this spot? Restful, just as the doctor ordered?"

"If by 'doctor' you mean Jongdae, then I suppose it is." Minseok huffs, and his butler laughs. 

"That is good then. Very good." 

It's nice like this, Minseok thinks. The sea air is light and fragrant, the view beautiful, the conversation... restful and happy. Luhan isn't even sitting down; instead he stands just behind Minseok's seated form, resting against a short fence line that juts out from the house. The car is missing, but only because Yixing took it into town to purchase groceries. Every evening he takes the same drive and Minseok pointedly ignores the tinkling sound of a girl's voice joining him before the two of them drive off.

"Yixing has a girlfriend, I hear," says Minseok.

He doesn't miss the way his butler's knees straighten rigidly - the only part of him Minseok can really see from this angle. 

"He... He..." Luhan falters, suddenly wary.

"It's alright with me," Minseok quickly explains. "This is his holiday too, isn't it? Since I never go anywhere... he never gets to go anywhere. What's the point of a chauffeur if he can't drive a car. What's the point of living if you can't even see anyone..."

He's made Luhan uncomfortable, of that much Minseok is aware. Tears pinch at his eyelids as his voice stops up, words suddenly gone from his throat. His fist clenches around the armrest. Luhan steps forward, touches his arm but then instantly pulls it away, like he doesn't know what to do or say except, "Sir? Are you alright."

Minseok doesn't answer. Instead he closes his eyes tight so he doesn't have to see the ocean or the waves or the sandy grasses, or any part of this holiday respite spot that truly isn't doing anything to make him feel better. If Minseok came to get away, then what was the point? Because he already is away. He's been away from people half his life, and that's what he likes. That's what he's always liked. Forced mingling gives him headaches and dread and so much fear of the unknown, and so this is what he wants and has always wanted. To be alone and untangled with anyone of this world. And yet!

"Mr. Kim, please. Are you okay?"

Minseok suddenly unshuts his lids, gasping from the breath he had held, and sees Luhan kneeling right before him, eyes open and lips trembling. He has a hand on Minseok's forearm, another one reaching for his brow, seeking to know if Minseok is okay. It's a shock to both of them when they realize they're eye-locked, mere inches from each other. Luhan instantly pulls his hand, and tries to withdraw the one on Minseok's arm, but Minseok stops it with his own, and doesn't break the contact. 

He sees the vision simultaneous to the one he's living right now. Minseok is looking at him, and Luhan is looking back, but through that image is another one:  _A letter laying on his desk and it has Jongdae's signature on it. The message is short, badly written, and tear stained._

_'I knew it,' Minseok says. 'I knew it would happen, so why does it still hurt when what I see finally does come true?'_

_Luhan stands beside him, an arm on his shoulder, and before Minseok can completely burst into tears Luhan sweeps him around and hugs him tight. Minseok doesn't even protest. He flings his arms around Luhan's waist and sinks his eyes into the other man's neck, sobbing into his shirt collar while Luhan holds him and pats him on the back and runs a hand through his hair._

_'You knew it, but of course it would still hurt. Of course it would. Minseok, there's nothing wrong with being sad right now. Okay? Okay?'_

_It's a comforting presence, Luhan's warm embrace, the evident love with which he envelopes his employer, friend, or more? Luhan pulls his head back just far enough to press a kiss to the side of Minseok's head_ , and in the present Minseok sees all this while still staring into Luhan's eyes, and it's so addicting. He feels the future hug like it's happening now, and Luhan has absolutely no idea what he is doing to him, then or now. But he doesn't want to look away.

_'I tried so many things,' Minseok explains to future Luhan. 'I knew the year, I knew the outcome. I begged them to go away on holiday so the baby wouldn't get sick and I succeeded. I saved him, so why did fate wait a year and take him only then? Luhan, what is the point of this if I can't do anything with it!'_

_'Hush, Minseok, hush. Some things are beyond your control. I don't know why or how, but you can't throw everything in with the bad. You tried, and I love you for that. It didn't work, but you can't dwell on that. Think on the good things, Minseok?' He continues to hold him and run his hand through Minseok's hair, every now and then kissing his temples while Minseok continues to weep._

_'Like what?' he exhales shakily._

_'Like... Like Yixing. You saved his future once, got it back on track. You can't dismiss that, surely?'_

_'How do you even know if that was my doing or not? Maybe it would have happened anyway. It changed and then it changed again. How can that actually be me?'_

_'I don't know, but I swear it was you. You did that when you cared so much, and look at the outcome?'_

_Minseok pulls his head back, out finally from the crook of Luhan's arm and shakily, he brushes the dampness from his eyes and stares at Luhan's trembling chin,_ just like he's doing right now.

 _'You also changed us,' Luhan continues. 'Look at us right now. It wouldn't have happened, but you did it. Look at me and tell me it hasn't changed? That it just keeps getting better?' He kisses his forehead lightly, then his nose, and finally Minseok has the courage to look up and stare into Luhan's eyes, and whatever he sees there makes his heart warm and sing_ , and then the vision breaks and he's still staring at Luhan, his butler's hand still on his forearm and he's smiling. Minseok is smiling.

"Mr. Kim, are you alright?" Luhan still looks upset for him, but Minseok keeps on smiling even as he turns his gaze to Luhan's trapped hand. First Minseok had only held it down, but somewhere in the vision their fingers had become entangled. Luhan follows his eyes down, immediately startles and slides his hand away, but this time Minseok doesn't miss the blush that's starting to color the underside of Luhan's cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Minseok apologizes neutrally. "I'm sorry I frightened you. I think I'm alright now."

Does Luhan know that he hugged him? That he kissed him to make Minseok feel better? Probably not. Luhan doesn't look any the wiser. He stands upright shakily but doesn't retreat, still worried about Minseok's apparent ill health. The funny thing is, Minseok doesn't feel that bad anymore, not miserably morose or depressed. Just a little tired.

"I think I'll go to my room now, Luhan. Would you help me up, please?" Because he still feels faint of limbs from the future vision, and it's such a shame that Luhan only helps him by holding onto his arm, and not his whole body. Still though, Minseok doesn't feel quite so alone anymore. Not even after Luhan shuts his bedroom door and there's no one to whisper to in the dark, because Minseok is hopeful that one day that will finally change. 

 

 

 

 

They go home a week later, and this time the atmosphere during the drive to the city is very different than when they were coming. Minseok feels like a new man, but Yixing is the melancholy one. Luhan sits in the passenger seat beside the driver and tries in vain to cheer him up with a steady stream of commentary about the landscapes they pass through. Yixing refuses all enticement to be cheerful though, and Luhan finally gives up. 

They have to stop for gas halfway, and Minseok happily snoozes in the backseat while Yixing gets out of the vehicle. Luhan looks around, sees nothing exciting and so he peers back at Minseok, checking to see if his employer is still alright.

Minseok doesn't look away, not when Luhan's gaze meets his, and another vision swarms Minseok's head. He's grown accustomed to this. Almost every time he's chanced a look, he's seen the same thing, and each time it makes him flush down to the roots of his hairs. For once he's so very glad that only he can see Luhan's future, and Luhan can't. He can't see what's yet to happen sometime in the near future.  _Has no idea how beautiful he's going to look without his clothes on, drowning in a sea of bed sheets that look awfully like the ones on Minseok's current frame. How Luhan will blush and arch against the mattress-_

"Ready to go," says Yixing glumly as he climbs back behind the wheel, and Minseok tears his eyes away from Luhan's because he knows he's starting to blush too. His poor butler has no idea, but he keeps looking back, as if one of these times Minseok will explain to Luhan why he keeps on grinning every time Luhan looks at him. Why Minseok's mouth keeps twisting around, and why his eyes look hazy and blown. Luhan is so distracted by his image that it finally draws Yixing's attention. The chauffeur too looks confused by their little game, and seeing that Minseok is apart of it somehow, he adjusts the rearview mirror to see what the problem is. 

Minseok startles when their eyes meet unexpectedly. He looks away, then back again. All the original kinds of hurt and worries rush through his head, just like they do every time Minseok looks at a person's future and sees something has changed. 

 

 

 

 

 

It's late when they get home. Yixing lets Minseok and Luhan off at the front door before he drives it around to the alley entrance, and Minseok heaves a great sigh of relief.

"Glad to be home, really?" says Luhan, who is still a little confused and flustered by all the attention Minseok was showing him in the car.

"Yes, actually." He hasn't got much more energy now though. He wants a change of clothes, a comfier chair,  a nightcap with his butler in the sitting room, although perhaps the relationship is still a little young for that. 

The house is dark when they enter, although there is one light already lit in the entryway, and another that shines from downstairs. The other servants are already home and prepared for their arrival. Minseok can honestly not wait to get back to his usual work tomorrow and feel the bustle of his own private productivity. There is, however, one thing he needs to do before all of that.

"Yixing," Minseok says into the silent hallway. Luhan freezes and looks around, almost confused because the chauffeur has obviously not come inside yet, and probably not even parked the car. "Yixing," Minseok says again. "I need you to do something for him."

"Yes, Mr. Kim?"

Minseok almost rolls his eyes at the title, but he keeps going like Luhan hasn't spoken. "That girl by the seaside. Find out who she is, and see if you can't arrange for her to come to the city. Look for any job that will suffice, as long as it's nearby." 

"You... you want me to relocate that girl for... Yixing?" Luhan looks almost incredulous.

"Yes. Luhan, please. It's... important. I can't tell you how important." Because Yixing without that girl by his side is going to be lonely in the future, and Minseok refuses to see it happen. He needs Yixing to grow old and retire and die - wrinkled and happy, surrounded by his children and grandchildren - for Minseok to feel like there is any hope in this world. He needs Yixing to have a meaningful life for Minseok to feel like he's deserving of one too. And he needs Luhan to help him out with this now, just like Luhan already did in a future vision. 

"Would... you like me to deal with this now, sir?" 

Minseok laughs. "Of course not, Luhan. Tomorrow will suffice."

"Oh, of course, sir." His butler almost laughs at his own misunderstanding.

"Yes, tomorrow is fine. Perhaps you should go and take care of your own unpacking now then?"

"I will, sir. Thank you."

He lets him get only half a dozen steps away before he calls him back. "Oh, and Luhan?"

"Yes?" the man turns around rather quickly.

"Two things, please. First, when you are done, come find me in the sitting room. I have some other things I'd like to talk about."

Luhan nods obediently, opens his mouth to say something, but Minseok cuts him off. 

"And two: please, when we're alone, would you mind just calling me Minseok? I like that a little better than  _sir_."

Luhan looks ready to protest, to open his mouth and call him  _sir_ and  _Mr. Kim_  for however long it takes to unwrap the mindset that he's allowed to make a friend of his employer. Minseok walks away before that can even happen though. He's not going to argue about it right this second. He's got a little bit of time to make the necessary changes in his life, in their life. He can take this one step at a time. The future comes one day at a time.


End file.
